[204] Cinco de Mayo

Today is known as “Cinco de Mayo”. In Mexico it is just a commemoration of the Battle of Puebla in 1862, during a French invasion of Mexico. For some reason, the US makes a bigger deal out of it than the Mexicans do. Here, some “celebrate” by having tacos and cerveza, even though many don’t need a reason or special day to eat tacos and drink beer🤷‍♂️.

It’s been a long few days since my last post. Only one day off at work this week has got me really wanting my day away from there. The last two days, especially, have been weird. With our general manager having resigned this last weekend, we have a skeleton management crew. They’re training us shift leads to be able to open or close as the person in charge. Yesterday and today were my two first solo shifts. Fortunately, things went fairly smoothly, which I am grateful for, since I’m still learning. I’ve spent the last six years working strictly in the kitchen, in various capacities (though I’m approaching seven years—my first year I worked as dishwasher). I’ve never worked as a server, nor had I ever worked in the pass-thru window garnishing plates, getting biscuits and butter, etc. I got a crash course about a month ago, and I’ve just been winging it since. I still have times where I forget something, but many of the servers have been decent enough to help me out and explain things. Thankfully, most of the servers either like working with me, or at least have a tad bit of respect.

This wasn’t always the case, however. Up until around a year and a half ago, most of the servers either were scared of me or hated me with a passion. Admittedly, I was a huge asshole. I would get angry quickly, and yell at the servers. I made more than one server cry on several occasions, and I’m honestly surprised I still have a job after a couple of those incidents. In late 2019, I finally woke up and figured out I had severe depression and sought out medical assistance. Of course, near-daily suicidal thoughts didn’t help matters any. Once I was prescribed my antidepressants, everything turned around. I still get upset, but not nearly to the degree I used to. Once I went three days without my meds (I think I ran out and had to wait for a refill), and I could tell the difference. In retrospect, it’s actually quite scary the difference. I don’t like being that guy I used to be. I’m still battling my extreme self-hate and zero self-esteem, but it’s a really steep uphill battle, since I’ve not liked myself for many years. I don’t consider myself the absolute worst person in the world anymore, but I still have a really long way to go in that department.

In light of the day, here is today’s quotation:

“Every year thousands of Americans mistakenly refer to Cinco de Mayo as Mexico’s Independence Day.”

Joe Baca

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