To begin today, I mention that it is my son’s birthday. He is now 16, and it seems like just yesterday he was running around the house still in diapers and barely learning to talk. Now he’s two years away from being an adult. Time flies, and it really makes me feel old. Why do kids have to grow up and become obstinate teenagers, then adults?

I’m not sure about other jobs, but working in a national chain restaurant, sometimes you get visited by higher-ups in the company. We normally see our District Manager on a monthly basis, unless something is very wrong. His bosses don’t come by as often. However, we’ve been due for a visit from the Regional Vice President. I really hate when upper managers come to the store. First of all, it’s stressful for everyone. There is not a soul in the world who follows every single rule and regulation there is. Everyone takes some kind of shortcut. When VPs or health inspections come by, you have to do everything by-the-book, to the letter—even if that means you’re going to waste a ton of food. Either that, or you cook things to order and take too long to send food out.

One of the things that bothers me the most is having to use these little plastic baggies to grab food to put on the grill. For some things, it’s not so bad. However, we offer slices of what is known as country ham. The problem is that when this ham is cold, the slices are very sticky. It’s a huge pain in the ass just to pull them apart, much less with baggies on your hands. It’s just a royal hassle. If I’m busy cooking eggs, I’m not gonna wash my hands after cracking every single egg, nor am I going to go wash my hands before grabbing each plate to serve eggs. I get that there’s the huge “cross contamination” and salmonella worries, but give me a fucking break! A little tiny droplet of egg white that drips on your hand as you throw the egg shell away is not going to get anyone sick! Shit, I’ve eaten raw cookie dough and cake batter for over 40 years, and I’ve never gotten sick once. A little bloated, maybe, but not sick.

Of course, I don’t grab raw fish or chicken with my bare hands. I use tongs and either put them straight on the grill, or onto a plate to season, then cook. I also clean my hands after getting blood on my hands from raw steak/hamburgers. I hate feeling that slimy shit on my hands.

I don’t understand why someone with a bald or shaved head has to wear a hair net, but that’s something that is required. If I ain’t got no hair, what’s the point of a hair net? What’s the damned thing supposed to restrain? I will never understand the logic behind this.