Nocturnal Worries

There’s been something happening to me a lot lately, and I’ve been wondering how many other people go through the same thing. The thing I refer to happens in the middle of the night.

During the night, at some point either turning over in bed or needing to go to the bathroom, your mind begins to replay everything that’s been stressing or bothering you. For example, in the last few weeks, my mind thinks about my bills, especially the rent I got behind on, and am trying to get caught back up. Here’s a little back story. Back in December, my whole family tested positive for corona. I ended up being out of work for like 2½ weeks, and it made me get behind on all my bills. Someone said I should have gotten some paid leave, but I never could find out about that.

Regardless, I got behind on rent. Fortunately, my landlord has been quite understanding, and I’ve been trying to get caught up. Between that and all my other payments (electrical, phone, internet, etc.), I’ve been struggling a lot. All that worry comes and visits me in the middle of the night, like around 0200 or 0300 (if you don’t get the 24-hour clock, that’s two or three o’clock in the morning), and keeps me from falling back asleep. That’s all my mind will play for some time, until I manage to distract my mind enough to return to sleep.

I really hate that, in my case, everything I seem to be going through replays in my mind during the night when I should be sleeping. Even worse is when it happens on those days when my alarm goes off at 0430, because I work at 0600. It doesn’t matter what it is; be it money worries, thinking about my kids, my practically non-existent marriage (it exists merely on paper), or whatever else occupies my brain.

I would love for someone who’s been through this and triumphed to tell me their secret. I would really love to know, so that I can regain my peace at night. Of course, I would love for “Mr. Beast” or some other rich philanthropist to gift me a million dollars (or even $100,000, I’m not greedy) to get completely out of debt and be able to merely live comfortably, being able to pay my bills and keep food on the table. I don’t ever expect to be wealthy. I would, however, just like to not live paycheck-to-paycheck, robbing Peter to pay Paul anymore.

The quote for today is this:

“When suffering knocks at your door and you say there is no seat for him, he tells you not to worry because he has brought his own stool.”

Chinua Achebe

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