Milk

“It does a body good”. That was a jingle for milk years ago, advertising to get kids (and adults) to drink more. Now, the slogan is “Got Milk?” Yeah, I got it. It’s in the fridge.

I don’t drink milk🥛, but I do get my calcium through cheese and yogurt. “But, but, but, but… How come you don’t drink milk? Who doesn’t like a nice, cold glass of milk? Especially with cookies?” That question has been asked of me on multiple occasions. I enjoy a glass of chocolate or strawberry milk sometimes (you know, add some Nesquik to moo juice). I’ll even pour it on my cereal. But if you hand me a glass of plain, white milk, I will refuse it. Not because it’s bad. Obviously, it smells okay. To me and my brain, it tastes spoiled. Way back in the first grade—you know, Fred Flintstone was one of my teachers—I had some milk with my school cafeteria lunch. Said half-pint carton of milk really was spoiled. It made me throw up almost immediately. To this day, some 42 years later, the trauma caused by ingesting a bad carton of milk still haunts me. Okay, not haunted, but my brain was wired from that day to dislike plain milk.

That’s not to say I’ve never touched milk ever since then. Once in a blue moon, when my acid reflux gets real bad, and I haven’t been able to replenish my supply of Nexium, out of desperation, I’ll get a little milk to attempt to soothe the stomach acid burning my throat and esophagus. Fortunately, that has only happened maybe two or three times that I can remember. I just have to get my stupid ass to not fall asleep within a couple of three hours of eating something. Notoriously, if I’m going to have an acid reflux attack in bed, it’s around an hour after lying down, give or take. It’s almost like clockwork.

In the US, milk comes in plastic jugs or paper cartons, in sizes ranging from a gallon to a half-pint. For all you metric folks, that’s 3.78 liters down to about 240 mL. Also, the sell-by date on the container is quite prolonged. I was just at Walmart today, and some milk was stamped “sell by 03 Dec”, 2½ weeks from now. I remember in Brazil🇧🇷, milk is sold in one-liter plastic bags, and milk bought on Monday read “válido até terça” (expires Tuesday). I’m sure in other countries, milk is sold in bags, as well. By the way, the date was no exaggeration. Down in Brazil, when you buy milk, you gotta use it within a couple of days. It went south in a huge hurry. In the above mentioned example, on Wednesday, the milk was already curdling. Gross🤢. Many Brazilians either would buy powdered milk or the shelf-stable UHT milk (“ultra-high temperature” pasteurized).

Do you like milk? Are you like me and can’t stand it? Maybe you’re lactose intolerant and can’t process dairy. My daughter is lactose intolerant, but she’ll sometimes subject herself to the consequences so she can have some ice cream. Anyway, leave a comment about your milk preference!

Today, I’m leaving two quotes. Why? Why not? One is serious, the other is wishful thinking.

“Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap.”

Barbara Jordan

“Man is the only creature that consumes without producing. He does not give milk, he does not lay eggs, he is too weak to pull the plough, he cannot run fast enough to catch rabbits. Yet he is lord of all the animals.

George Orwell

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