Candy

What’s your favorite candy? I would actually say that it’s a tie between Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Reese’s Pieces and Kit Kat. Even better is when dark chocolate is involved. Those are some of the few candy bars that I eat.

Since it’s Halloween month🎃, I felt candy is a fitting subject. I don’t eat a whole lot of chocolate🍫, as most American chocolate is too sweet for my liking. There is the very occasional Cadbury Crème Egg🥚, but, between the chocolate and fondant center, it nearly makes my teeth hurt. After just one of those, my stomach gets to feeling heavy.

Another reason I don’t eat a lot of candy bars is usually either caramel or coconut. I don’t care for either. I hate coconut🥥, and caramel is way too chewy and sticky for my liking. Also, caramel is a bitch because it gets stuck on and between my teeth, and I play hell cleaning them. Years ago, the Whatchamacallit bars didn’t have caramel. I really enjoyed those. Sometime in the 80s or 90s, Hershey’s added caramel, and I have not eaten one since. Back around 2010 or 2011, a similar candy, only with chocolate was marketed, called Thingamajig. Unfortunately, they disappeared in 2011, as quickly as they appeared. Hershey’s website said at one time that Thingamajigs would be “returning soon”, but that never happened.

There are three very polarizing candies out there, that people either absolutely love or totally detest. There is no “kinda liking” black licorice, candy corn or circus peanuts. I find them all disgusting, but each one has their camps that think they’re amazing. There is a taste for everything in this world, and those atrocious candies are no exception. Of the three, the absolute worst has to be black licorice. Did you know that black licorice can kill you? For us old people over 40, just 2 ounces of black licorice per day for at least two weeks can cause heart arrhythmia. The ingredient glycyrrhizin, which comes from the licorice root, causes potassium levels to fall, leading to abnormal heart beats, hypertension, swelling, lethargy, and congestive heart failure. Still like black licorice? Knock yourself out.

Here’s an idea for a prank I want to pull on someone: take the chocolate Ex-Lax (the one that looks like a candy bar, that you’re only supposed to take one teeny-tiny square of) and melt it into a candy mold, then give it to someone I really hate. I’d tell them it’s a homemade lollipop🍭. Once they’d eaten the chocolate, I’d wait about half an hour to watch the fun begin😱💩.

And now, the quote for the day:

“All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

Lewis Black

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