Pizza

One of the most universal foods is pizza. Most languages even use the same spelling and pronunciation. You can go to almost any country and say the word “pizza”, and they’ll know exactly what you’re asking for. You can go to many countries and order a Domino’s or Pizza Hut pizza (they do have restaurants globally), or get some kind of craft pizza from a mom-and-pop joint.

I know of the Chicago “deep dish” pizzas that have the extra-thick crust, or how in New York, they like thinner crusts that you can fold in half to eat. That kinda reminds me of a Costco pizza, where a pizza is cut into like 6 slices. You practically have to fold the slice in half to eat it without making a mess. I’ve even seen pizza with a paper-thin “cracker” crust.

And what about the toppings? Pepperoni is always a winner (unless you’re vegetarian). All sorts of veggies are good on it, but not all of them. When I was visiting Brazil once, I went to a little pizzeria, and in their menu, I saw a pizza that had corn or peas on it. Huh🤔? I disagree with putting corn or peas on a pizza. Onions, bell peppers, olives, mushrooms (though I think olives and mushrooms are gross and atrocious, but I digress), tomatoes, even jalapeños, if that’s your preference. Never corn or peas, though🤮.

Topping a pizza with meat always works. Chicken, bacon, pepperoni, sausage, ground beef, steak, the possibilities are endless. One of the biggest topping disagreements has to be pineapple. Hawaiian-style pizza with ham (or Canadian bacon) and pineapple is either a love-it or hate-it pizza. Either you like to eat it, or you’re like Gordon Ramsay, who thinks it’s a culinary atrocity. To each their own, I guess.

If I’m ever somewhere and I’m presented a slice of pizza with mushrooms and/or olives, I’ll strive to pick them off the best I can. I don’t care for mushrooms’ texture, and I nearly puked while eating an olive years ago, so I pass on them. The one topping that I absolutely will never touch, and will refuse a slice is one that has anchovies on it. Gross, salty, nasty fishes on a pizza. Ugh, hard pass for me, thanks.

I will say, though, thank god pizzas are usually covered in shredded Mozzarella or Cheddar (or a combination). I think I would utterly vomit if I ever saw a pizza covered in American slices. When heated, American slices reek like dirty, sweaty feet. That shit is also like one step away from being plastic. Whoever invented American slices should have been shot and lynched. With all the choices of cheese in the world, why anyone would actually choose that fake shit is way beyond my realm of comprehension. I will never understand anyone who just takes a slice of that cold, rubbery, plasticky crap and eat it. American slices are the epitome of a culinary atrocity. I’d rather listen to Nickelback than be forced to eat American slices!

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