Grammar

I’ve been called a “Grammar Nazi” on more than one occasion, but I’m not sure if correcting typos counts as grammar. I can seemingly spot a misspelling from a mile away, and it really irks the hell out of me. Sometimes, merely out of politeness, I will not correct the offending word, even though my OCD goes into overdrive.

Some of the most egregious errors I’ve seen involve the homophones your and you’re. The former represents possession, the latter is a contraction of “you are”. I’m sorry, this welcome does not belong to me. However, you are welcome. You are awesome. I cannot possess an awesome.

Another spelling sin is the homophones too, to and two. “Too” means also or as well. “To” means for someone or a destination. “Two” is the number 2. What? Oh, I can’t hear you over here. “Hear” is listening; it involves using your ears. “Here” means in this location.

And why can’t people distinguish “their”, “there” and “they’re”. These words mean “belongs to them”, that location, and “they are”, respectively. Imagine in a spelling bee (do those even still exist?) being asked to spell [insert random homophone of “there”]. Please give a sentence. “They’re building their house over there”. Dear god, that would be so evil.

I actually pride myself on being able to spell most words correctly. Sometimes I do commit the occasional typo, usually when I’m trying to use the swipe keyboard function on my phone. Once in a while, when I’m writing, I look at a word, and when I look at it long enough that word looks like it’s written in another language and I begin to question its existence.

I have to wonder about certain words. Up until the late 19th century, if you wanted to counteract a venom, you would look for an antivenin🤨. Thankfully the word is now antivenom. Did you know that there is a word that looks similar to the dreaded “n-word” (the one that is considered a pejorative against black people), but is completely different? The word is niggard. No, it’s not that word. It literally means tightwad. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines niggard as “a meanly covetous and stingy person”. Even though it’s an interesting word, I’d shy away from it in 2020, as someone is going to think you’re using the “n-word”. Now you can say you learned something new today.

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