Depression

Today was my one day off of work from both jobs. It was also the first day of school. My youngest started 6th grade today, and my other two boys were working, so the house was eerily quiet. Things started decently, but later on, there was a bit of drama in the house, and some arguing ensued. I’m not going into the details, as they’re probably unnecessary. Suffice it to say, it got my anxiety going sky high, which in itself is quite the feat.

I’d been having issues for quite some time. At first, it was thought to be anger issues, but after time, and several of those meaningless online tests, that it was probably depression. I’d kept it to myself for the longest time, but finally I blurted out about it, and went to the doctor. Sure enough, he said I had severe depression, and prescribed me antidepressants. Gradually the dose increased to where it was working nicely. All the darkness and suicidal thoughts went away.

That is, until recently. About three weeks ago, I found myself becoming short-tempered and easily overwhelmed again. Most of the time, it’s okay. Every once in a while, it would get to be too much. I find this happening more often now. Today was the first time in a while that my anxiety got as high as it did. I guess I need to see the doc again about possibly increasing my antidepressant dose. I’ve been on 150mg of Zoloft; maybe my body is creating a tolerance and need to go to 200mg🤷‍♂️. The hard part is the doctor I see is only available two Thursdays a month. I may have to wait until September to see him; I doubt there’s an opening next week.

The one thing I have going for me is a couple of people I message periodically. One is a school classmate that we share memes with each other—either political or risqué—and sometimes we get to talking about how things are. She’s a nice lady, with her husband and “fur-babies”, since they could never have kids. It’s always nice to have someone to open up with a little, even when the extreme introvert in me tends to keep everything inside, waiting for the smallest thing to trip the pressure cooker valve. Being the middle-aged, stubborn, asocial introvert that I am, I’ve never known anyone to whom I could open up, and who was willing to listen to me. I value those who actually do let me speak without judging me or trying to “one-up” everything I say.

Now, here’s today’s motivational quote of the day:

“We dance round in a ring and suppose, But the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”
– Robert Frost

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